By Amanda Hipkiss-Torrance
Mental Health Nurse, Master NLP Coach, EFT and MRA Practitioner (July 2024)
Do you feel like your clients dictate your work with you being frightened to say no incase you lose them? Do you feel pressure to discount your services? Maybe you’ve started to lose passion for what you created and there’s just no joy in it anymore? Or maybe you are just plain exhausted?
If you’re saying yes to any of these then getting some firm boundaries in place could make all the difference.
What are boundaries?
Simply, boundaries are guidelines that you put in place so that you can protect your own well being alongside ensuring that you are able to be the best version of you for your clients. Boundaries set out what is acceptable to you and what you will not tolerate and can be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual.
Contrary to what you may be thinking, boundaries can build better relationships with you and your clients by reducing misunderstanding and creating mutual respect. Boundaries can help provide a safe space for clients too, where they know what is expected and what they can expect from you.
For example, a question I’m frequently asked is ‘is this confidential’ and my answer is that our sessions are always confidential unless they disclose a risk to self or others and if I needed to share what the process would look like. I actually had a situation where I needed to share information soon after starting my business and because we had discussed this, the client understood and it did not impact our therapeutic relationship, in fact, it was a turning point for them in their journey.
Don’t get me wrong, it can sometimes feel uncomfortable setting boundaries but it can feel much more uncomfortable if you don’t.
Not everyone will accept your boundaries and that’s ok
For example, a few years back I had a session booked with a therapist myself. I had paid for the session that morning and soon after I paid, my husband was taken to hospital with chest pain. I had the choice of trying to attend my session or I could support my husband. Of course, I chose the therapist, Ok, no I didn’t, I chose my husband. The therapist refused to refund or move my session due to the late notice regardless of the situation. This was her boundary. On reflection, although it didn’t sit well with me at the time and to be honest still doesn’t, I recognise now that this was their exercising a boundary and this is their right.
My boundary was not to continue our work together. Looking back, our values didn’t align from the beginning and this just highlighted that. By the therapist putting this boundary in, yes I stopped working with them. However, I later found an amazing therapist that suited me better and was much more in alignment with values. I’m also pretty sure the previous therapist continued to work with clients who accepted her boundaries.
What I am saying here is don’t be afraid to set boundaries even if it means you may lose a client as it also means that you will attract the clients who you are in alignment with and isn’t that why you’re doing this?
What happens when someone crosses our boundaries?
Oh, you will know! If your emotions don’t tell you, you can be damn sure your body will and this is a good thing, it’s a lesson, a message. Always pay attention to how you’re feeling so that you can recognise what is and isn’t ok for you and make changes where you need to.
Examples of boundaries for your business
So, for some people it can be difficult to know where to start with boundaries, especially if you’ve allowed others to mark out the lines until now. You might not even know what is and isn’t ok until you test the water or you give yourself permission to say no and that’s ok. If you’re feeling a bit like this, here are some boundaries that can be helpful in a therapy and coaching business. You can try some out, practice and see how it feels. And the more you lean into it the easier it will be.
- Saying no to a client if you don’t feel that they are a good fit for you. I know it can feel counterproductive but when you work with the right clients, you will not only enjoy your sessions more, you will see better results.
- Have a work schedule and stick to it. Think about what best suits your needs. What time of day are you more productive, what other commitments do you have? For example, you may decide that you are more productive in the morning so this is your admin time and you see clients in the afternoon.
- Decide on a time when you will respond to emails and messages. With the immediacy of texts and emails there can be pressure to respond straight away, taking away from your personal time. Instead, set times when you are available for messages, make this clear to clients and then silence notifications out of these times.
- Stick to your price plan You have spent years developing your skills, knowledge and expertise. If you don’t recognise your value do you think your clients will see you as a worthwhile investment?
- Don’t feel under pressure to do freebies. Your time and resources are precious. Decide what you will and won’t offer and stick to it. For example, I always offer a free discovery call as I believe that it’s important for the client and for me to assess if we are the right fit. I have also collaborated for free with other business owners where it has given me wider exposure.
- Be clear and transparent in your terms and conditions. For example, highlight your booking and cancellation policy.
- Be clear on your scope of practice. So, I am a mental health nurse by background and have a vast understanding of many mental health conditions. However, depending on where a client is on their journey, it may not be appropriate or safe for me to work with them at that time. Therefore, I would explain this and redirect them to the most appropriate support.
Boundaries and Values
It’s easier to keep boundaries when they are aligned with your values. Our values are our deep beliefs about what is right or wrong and what is truly important to us. If you, your clients or your business are in conflict with your values, it’s going to be more stressful and feel much more difficult. This is why when I work with business owners we establish their values early on and this allows them to create boundaries around what is important to them. For example, if a value is financial reward then a boundary would be not to reduce their pricing.
What ‘s stopping you?
So, now you know what boundaries are and why they are important, what’s stopping you? Nothing?’ Then great, my work here is done! However, if there’s a part of you that has read this and still doesn’t believe that you can say no or that you need to always be the one to back down regardless of what you believe or how that makes you feel, then there could be some deeper reasons as to why you have avoided exercising your boundaries. Check out my blog How Changing the Way You Think Can Help You Avoid Burnout where I talk about how beliefs can be behind what we do and don’t accept.