Amanda Hipkiss-Torrance
Integrative Cognitive & Energy Therapist (October 2026)
It’s a bit of a running joke with my husband and I, how many things I’ve been walking away from lately. It’s like something triggers in me and it just becomes a hard ‘no’. It could be anything, sometimes it’s sensory, for example, I quit the gym as they had plug in air fresheners everywhere. I’ve also lost count of the number of restaurants or shops I have left because of sensory overwhelm. And sometimes, it’s something someone says and that’s it, ‘I’m done’.
To illustrate, last year we had joined ballroom dancing class and in one session, I opened a window as myself and other people in the room were hot. The teacher then went on to single me out, tell me how it was ‘his class’ and he decides when the windows are opened. Needless to say, I forgot the windows and used the door and never went back!
Sometimes, I don’t even need to leave, it appears that I can send a direct message which clears the space for me! I realised this when at a festival recently, a friend said they could literally see this ‘shut down’ in action when someone came over to talk about their event. When I asked for more information and rather than giving an explanation of what to expect, I was met with a ‘you’ll have to come to find out’. Apparently, my arms crossed, the wall went up and that was it, end of conversation and the person moved on.
And this doesn’t just relate to places or people I don’t know. I have let go of friendships too. An instance that comes to mind from a few years back, is with an old friend, we had known each other for about 20 years and she had always been a little ‘judgy’. However, one day we went for lunch and she said ‘you’re much more interesting now you have a degree’ and that was it. I relayed my thoughts and after that day, I never spoke with her again.
When Walking Away Didn’t Feel Like an Option
I imagine some of you are reading this and thinking, well yeah, I would do the same in this case, and I love that for you. However, it hasn’t always been this way for me. Over the years, there have been many times that I have ‘put up and shut up’ for fear of there being no alternative or risking someone not liking me!
One example that comes to mind, is an experience with an overfamiliar driving instructor. Just after my 40th birthday, following an accident, I really struggled with driving anxiety to the point where I needed the assistance of an instructor to get me back on the road. He had a habit of talking about his relationships and alluding to mine. This was uncomfortable enough but then one day after I had a panic attack on the motorway, he gave me a hug, I felt his hands move up and down my body and I knew this wasn’t right.
Did I say anything? Nope, and came back the next week for another session.
Why? Because, I felt like I had no other option. I was already feeling vulnerable because of the anxiety, it hadn’t been easy to find an instructor in the first place, and I felt overwhelmed at the thought of going through the process to find someone else.
Now, this is just one example of how I abandoned myself but in all honesty this shit seeped into every part of my life, particularly in my relationships. Even if you look at the friendship I moved away from, it took me 20 years of listening to their judgments before finally enough was enough.
Then Something Changed
I’m not sure where exactly it changed, but bit by bit as I have moved through my 40s, I have started voting with my feet. Maybe, it’s experience, maybe it’s as I transition through menopause, maybe I just give less of a shit what others think now. All I know is that I am just unable to ‘put up and shut up’ anymore.
Making Space for Something Better
And what I have come to learn is that walking away from something that isn’t right for me, can create space for me to find something better.
That dance class I left? Well, we soon after found a lovely salsa class instead which is much more our thing. And that friend? Letting go of people like this has made space for the most amazing women to come into my life, women who see beyond my qualifications. And the gym? Well, let’s just say that Betty is loving the extra walks and I am loving all the fresh air.
Oh and my driving is fine now. What helped? Not that guy, that’s for sure! Learning to put trust in myself was a big part of that journey, alongside EFT but that’s a whole other blog so I’ll save that for another time. But if you’re interested in EFT you can find out more here.
In conclusion, this journey has taught me that I don’t have to put up with things that don’t feel right just because I can’t immediately see another option. So, perhaps the biggest change isn’t that I have become better at walking away, it’s that I’ve stopped believing I have to stay.
And, I know I am not the only one who has been, or is, on this journey. If you’re feeling stuck, and can’t see another option, you don’t need to have it all figured out just yet. Maybe, the first step is to simply give yourself permission to believe that another option might exist.